Love Makes Room: Why Na-Jung Cried Lessons from Reply 1994

In the final episode of Reply 1994, in a cab on her way presumably to see Chilbong to check why he prematurely checked out of the hospital, Na-Jung got a text message just soon after she re-attached the battery to her cellphone. The message read : “Hi. It’s Oppa. Do you think you can come here now? I’m a little sick.”Na-Jung was incredulous at the message. She wept quietly at first, and then sobbed, a loud heart-wrenching sob coming from somewhere deep within her; long-forgotten, long-delayed, the pain finally wove its way to the present. Na-Jung cried all the way to Trash’s apartment, at first angrily fighting his embrace, and then crashing into his arms sobbing, no, wailing until there was no more fight left in her. This was the real turning point in their relationship.

 

Why did Na-Jung cry? What were those tears about?

 

Na-Jung cried out of “pikon.”She was upset. Why only now? Why did it take so long for this moment to come? Why did they both have to endure such pain and suffering all those years? Why did they waste so much time? Na-Jung was fed up! So she could not bring herself to welcome Trash’s embrace. – “Huwag mo akong yakapin! Inis na inis ako sa iyo! Grabe ang hirap ko sa iyo!” Trash understood. Despite her resistance, he held on to her and did not let go. He understood and respected how she felt at that moment. It’s okay for Na-Jung to be “pikon.”It was justified. Love makes room for “pikon.”

Na-Jung cried out of sheer exhaustion and relief. Finally! After too many years, she heard Trash say he was not okay and that he needed her. For all the years of their relationship, even when they had already fallen in love years before, Trash remained oppa to her – the older brother who wanted to show her only good, pretty and happy things, who shielded her from harm, who protected her from the unpleasant, who did not want her to worry. Because of the 

special years as brother and sister, Trash always had to be the strong oppa and Na-Jung the little sister. He wanted to be that for her. For the first time, Trash wasvulnerable. He was sick. He was weak. He needed her. He could not be without her. What a shift! Now, at this moment, love can truly begin to happen. Love makes room for vulnerablility.

 
Na-Jung cried because now she could breathe. She and Trash could be themselves! They did not need to hide from and protect each other anymore. In a previous conversation,
Na-Jung told Trash she did not know why they broke up. She thought that, just like other couples, it was because they grew tired of each other and gave each other a hard time. But in fact, it was because they did not feel free to be themselves. They were too careful around each other. Na-Jung said to Trash, “We should have just told each other that we were having a hard time if we were having a hard time. We should have said we were hurting if we were hurting. . .” Love chooses to welcome, accept, embrace everything about the other: big/small, mundane/profound, silly/significant, weak/strong, ambiguous/clear, cowardly/brave . . . everything mixed into the pot of loving. It is not about revealing only that which is beautiful, convenient, safe, comfortable. Love fades when the ugly is hidden. Love dies if it is shielded from pain. Love grows from shared pain and bears fruit in joy. Love makes room for the difficult, the disagreeable, the unlovely.

Na-Jung cried because she finally heard Trash say to her, “Saranghae.” For the first time in forever, Trash declared his love in no uncertain words; in words she had been longing to hear. When Na-Jung asked him to say the words before, he was quite dismissive. He said he already did so through his action, through his body. But he did not say the word. Na-Jung said, “You need to say it with words. Only then would I know.” Kailangan bigkasin ang pag-ibig! Not just in deeds. It is said that love is expressed more in deeds than in words. But the power of the loving word cannot be ignored. Words count because they help define identity and the nature of relationship. The familiarity of deeds can muddle love. Actions may be open to interpretation. But the articulated word is definite. Love is expressed both in word and deed; not one without the other. One without the other is incomplete. In “Saranghae”Na-Jung finally found the certainty she had been seeking in the relationship. Love makes room for words.

At that moment in the apartment, Na-Jung and Jae Joon (Trash’s real name) met forthe first time as themselves, not as little sister and oppa. Finally, they could cry together and find comfort in each other’s tears. Now they understood. Love makes room for heartbreak. Their hearts had to break in order to make room for more and more true love.

When we care enough to risk, to summon up the courage necessary and to dare to go beyond ourselves, love makes room.

sisid 09082020

 

 

Gamsahabnida, Mr. Sunshine

I just finished watching Mr. Sunshine. I have not cried like I did over a drama for a long long time. There are so many moments in the drama that broke my heart and many moments too when I laughed. What stands out for me are all those gamsahabnida and gomapseumnida moments, the thank you moments, the take care moments, the be strong moments, the may you live moments.

 

Why do I choose these thank you moments among the many powerful themes of Mr. Sunshine? A dear friend pointed out to me how thank you’s are so much a part of my life.  I was never conscious of this until now. I say thank you for every little gift, big and small, a surprise, a hello, a visit, a call. Gratitude is a mark of my life. Gratitude has given me lasting friendships. 

 

The first moment in Mr. Sunshine that comes to me is when Kim Hui Seong meets Eugene Choi and thanks him for taking time to visit his parents. “Root for him,” says Eugene to Kim Hui Seong’s parents.  Then there is the moment of the dying Kudo Hina piggybacking on Gu Dong Mae and telling him, “Tell him I said, ‘Welcome back.’ He owes me a handshake.” Flashback to the day she first met him. She offers him a handshake but Eugene hands her his handkerchief instead, seeing that her hand was bleeding.  (I think I will cry again!). Then there is the moment when Ae-sin thanks Hui Seong for saving her family, followed by "Take care," and meant it so deeply; and when Ae-sin meets Dong Mae to pay her debt and thanks him from the bottom of her heart for delivering his grandfather’s unsent letters. And when Dong Mae saves Ae-sin from the Musin society in Japan, she said to him, “Even you…even you came all the way here to my rescue. Thank you.”

There are all those times when Ae-sin thanks Eugene Choi for those moments of being there for her always. There was that heartbreaking moment when Aesin’s loyal servants, Haengrang and Madam Haman, as a way of saying their final gamsahabnida, tried to reach for each other’s hand as they lay dying on the street after taking bullets from the Japanese army. Shortly after, Ae-sin arrives at the scene. Seeing the bloodied Madam Haman she cuddles her and breaks into sobs. That was enough to show her love and gratitude to this woman who has been a mother to her. The people of Joseon watch this moment with sympathy and surprise, as this masked member of the Righteous Army turns out to be their beloved Lady Aesin. When they see the Japanese Army coming back, they cover Aesin and Haman with their clothes and create a human barricade to protect them, their way of saying gamsahabnida for Aesin’s acts of kindness and charity toward them in the past. 

There is the loyal young soldier saluting Eugene’s grave to say gamsahabnida.  There are those moments when both Ae-sin and Kudo Hina say thank you to each other; moments when Eugene thanked the interpreter, the young boy who served him, the sister. People bound by a common mission, by the sorrows they carry and by the love that is deeply embedded in their hearts. Gamsahabnida, gamsahabnidato all – to Gunner Jang, for such deep love for his wife, for his fierce loyalty to Aesin and Joseon, for his courage and determination; to the potter Hwang Eun San who showed kindness to Eugene Choi while he was running from slave hunters, for his leadership and audacity and even for those carefree moments of drinking beer with Eugene. 

These gamsahabnidas, these thank you’s are not just mere spontaneous moments.  Every gamsahabnida carries with it a story – a story of the persons who speak it – their joys and sorrows, their triumphs and failures, their wounds and healing, their hopes and dreams.  These thank you’s live on in the persons who receive them. In Mr. Sunshine, they live on in all those people who survived because someone had made a sacrifice and made sure they are protected and prevented from suffering what they themselves endured. 

       photo from dramabeans.com

Gamsahabnida to all these characters, human beings we can recognize in us and around us, for showing me what it means to transcend all the sorrows and the pain, to not wallow in my wounds and to find a purpose to live for. Thank you for teaching me the meaning of self-giving and for protecting Ae-Sin with all your might so she can continue to fight and tell the story for the next generations. Wear your wedding ring forever, Ae-sin! Wear it as your badge of courage in loving Eugene Choi and Jeoson! 

 

And lastly, gamsahabnida, my dear Eugene Choi, for the largeness of your heart, as vast as the sky. Go with the wind, brave one!   

Author: Mang-tae

To Whom Does Moon Gang Tae Belong? : Musings on Belonging After “It’s Okay To Not Be Okay”

 “Moon Gang Tae belongs to Moon Gang Tae.”

 

Yes and No. Yes, we belong to ourselves. But no, we do not/cannot belong only to ourselves.

 

 

It is a long journey to belong to oneself. We seek, we search, we hide, we get lost, we find, we arrive. But we never do it alone, even when we feel we are alone. We need to go on the journey ourselves. Journey by proxy does not work.  However, we can only undertake the journey within the web of the many intricate, complex and meaningful relationships in our life. It is impossible to belong in a vacuum.

 

Individuation is a critical process through which we achieve a sense of individuality distinct from the identities of others and begin to consciously exist as a human in the world. But it is not by any means an exclusive process. For it to be truly meaningful and efficacious, it necessarily needs to be inclusive.

 

So, yes, Moon Gang Tae belongs to Moon Gang Tae because only Moon Gang Tae can ever be Moon Gang Tae. But Moon Gang Tae belongs to Moon Gang Tae precisely because deep in the heart of things, he also “belongs” to Moon Sang Tae, to 

Ko Munyeong, to Jae-su, to Juri, to Juri’s oemma. In a real way, he also “belongs” to Dr. Oh and the patients of Ok Psychiatric Hospital, to Mr. Lee and his assistant. He could never have found his face if not for ALL of them. Through this web of relationships, Gang Tae learned about the value of radical self-acceptance, unconditional loving, vulnerability, forgiveness, empathy, purposeful living – all essential ingredients of healing. Healing comes when we are able to allow ourselves to be, to live within this environment of significant relationships and experiences without excessive fear. Healing finally dawns when we are able to say “Bless what there is for being. Whatever it be, bless it because it exists. . .” (David Stendhal-Rast)

 

At the end, the car with Moon Sang Tae in it and the camper with Moon Gang Tae and Ko Munyeoung go off in opposite directions. It is a powerful image to keep and remember. Throughout our lives, we go off in all sorts of directions with confidence because we know that home will always beckon us back to those we love; to those who know and understand that we belong to ourselves, they belong to themselves and we belong to each other. So going off wherever in the world (within and without) is never just about individuation, or separation, but of deep communion.

Author: sisid 130820

📷 tvn, netflix, kissasian